oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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