Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize