Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize