Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize