bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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