I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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