Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
