i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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