I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize