i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize