I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize