I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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