I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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