Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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