I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
