The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize