i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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