You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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