I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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