My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
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Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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