If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pants are for mortals
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize