my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize