Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize