id be glad to
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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