at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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