Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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