Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
