Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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