I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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