i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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