Need sex. Gaining weight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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