My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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