I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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