I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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