Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize