i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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