I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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