I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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