I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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