That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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