Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
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I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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