Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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