I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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