And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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