Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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