I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize