its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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