just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize