No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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