You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize