Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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