I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize